Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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