its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
