Cold hands, warm shart.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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