just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
