I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
