My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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