He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
