he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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