Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
