So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
it's like iHOP with fire
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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