Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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