your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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