Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
