She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
