i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
