We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
