Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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