Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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