new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Be still, my beating vagina.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
