If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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