I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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