I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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