Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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