It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
