"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I have already put on my inside pants.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
