You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Boobs are out for the taking
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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