Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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