whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
