Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
