im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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