I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
