he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
