she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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