so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
