I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
