once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
