Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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