I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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