I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
