Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
