wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
