The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
