i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
