my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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