I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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