You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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