I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
