I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
It's Friday. Sex?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
