i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
