dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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