I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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