Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We need to get me chipped asap
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
