i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
