Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
